I guess it had been building up for a long time, but I just sort of lost control when I noticed the way he smelled. It's a smell that's impossible to describe-- a combination of laundry detergent, old spice, and something else with no name to it.
Or maybe it was his eyes. He just had this way of looking at me. His eyes on mine filled me with the kind of feeling that is only described in some of the sappier love stories out there. Like stepping into the sunlight on the first warm day of spring.
God, I sound like a teenage girl or something...
It doesn't really matter what made me do it at this point. All that matter is that I did it, and now there's no way to take it back.
I had always suspected that I was... well... not exactly straight. I thought of girls as just friends and nothing more. Still, I had never met a guy or a girl that I would ever consider dating.
Then, last year, I met Victor.
There was just something about the way he talked to me, the way he wasn't afraid to hug me, and how he never labeled himself. He said, "I might be bi. I'm not sure yet, but you never know-- I could meet a guy that I like enough to date one day."
We were pretty tight. We hung out all the time, and every once in a while... well... it seemed like he felt the same way about me. And today we were at his house, and he was looking at me... and I kissed him. Then he kissed me back for a few seconds... but then he pulled away.
And just looked down at his feet..
I just left.
Well, at least now he knows.
--Maria Svetlana Carion
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